Learn, Earn, Teach

I'm undercover 
​​​​​​spying on myself 
Im in the trenches
Studying self 

Relapse called 
so I answered 
or so relapse thinks 
I'm pretending 

Here now 
at the bar 
sober and ordering soda 
Looking around 

Focusing on
all the people 
wondering why it is 
So comforting 

Really pathetic 
as I watch 
everyone drown their sorrows 
With alcohol 

Relapse suspicious 
Knowing that I'm 
not even buzzed yet 
Sudden change 

I order 
another drink quickly 
chugging my first one 
Acting normal

This mission 
is super successful 
because I'm surrounded by 
Deadly temptation 

I remain
loyal to myself 
realizing I want to 
Forever change 

We must 
study ourselves thoroughly
in order to implement
Sustainable change 

I want 
to keep learning 
earning my progress properly
Battling pain 

Relapse lost 
this familiar battle 
my only hope is 
To teach 

​​​​​Documenting everything 
I experiment with 
to find real solutions 
That work 

Others suffer
just as bad 
if not, even worse 
Truthfully speaking 

Strength required 
to accept yourself 
when you feel worthless 
It's difficult 

First step 
among many more 
many exercises I did 
To help 

I'll document 
this whole journey
I'll post my battles 
And victories 

With honesty 
the good, bad 
and the ugly, all
To relate 

Mental-Health 
a curable cancer 
but not by medicine 
But rather 

With love 
with caring compassion 
with acceptance and understanding 
With reflection 

With battling 
with self-studying 
with desired change wanted 
And motivation 

With ________
still to be 
determined and self-discovered 
To be..........