Legless, I Never Asked For This

Ever since the day I became a bilateral amputee;
My life has come to a complete stop,
Been living like this, legless, for close to 3 years if not longer;
It's depressing to say my ship has sunk;
and I'm no longer sure if I'll ever make it back to the top,
Because for the last almost 2 years of living like this, legless;
I think it's safe to say my life has done nothing but become a complete mess,
I mean, I thought I was okay with it all,
I thought everything was starting to come together;
like everything was starting to come aligned and peacefully begin to fall,
Well, I hate to have to admit to the fact that I was ever so damn wrong;
Because I'm so miserable and depressed now;
That my moods change like the 4 seasons of the weather,
I had to make several sacrifices; 
and not just with my legs but with my overall health,
Which is what puzzles me when people;
take life like it's nothing but a meaningless joke!
I wish I could honestly treat life like that, like one in the same,
But I can't, maybe it's because I'm too far in touch with reality;
Just writing this poem I'm having to;
swallow a huge frog that just might end up making me choke,
I mean; I don't get asked, offered, or invited to go anywhere;
not to even one simple place,
Am I the problem, because I'm legless?
Are people really that ashamed of me?
Are people really that embarrassed of me?;
To possibly see people look at me with such disgust on their face?
Looking at me like I don't belong in this world, or in their space?
I just want to put it out there, to everyone in the universe, that;
I NEVER ASKED TO LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS
I NEVER ASKED TO BECOME SO DEPRESSED I BECAME LIFELESS
I NEVER ASKED FOR THE INFECTION;
THAT TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME;
RESULTING IN ME BECOMING LEGLESS,
I never thought in a million years;
I'd be one of those people on the commercials you see on T.V.;
If I had known then; what I know now, I promise, 
I WOULD HAVE TAKEN BETTER CARE OF ME,
I do all I can just to have some kind of independence; still within myself;
But how can I just keep sitting here;
And pretend that my life is nothing but butterflies and rainbows;
I try to live my life with as much dignity as I can; like it's my last day; everyday;
Because I'm one of those people;
unfortunately, who doesn't have a lot of promised tomorrows,
I'm tired of pretending to be okay;
when I'm far from it, again, I didn't ask to be legless;
It's just something that happened, I guess, part of my destination;
part of my twisted destiny;
but still, that doesn't mean I have to pretend to be okay with this;
This is far from the life I imagined for myself, 
I don't wish amputation upon anyone, or anything;
I'm still drowning in my own self pity, bitterness and sorrows;
All because I'm afraid I'm going to die tomorrow. 
Fears I've gained, and gathered by becoming legless,
I just want to stress the fact, that I, Stephanie A. Davis (Ludwig);
Never once, asked for this;
And never once, did I ever ask to live like this.
I never wanted to live my life, being legless.

Stephanie A. Davis (Ludwig)
03/28/2025