Life for me

I look around and see life everywhere.
Babies and the elderly, mothers and daughters, fathers and sons.
Happiness and joy and the chaos of it all, it seems perfect.

But for me, life is different.
Life is pain and agony
Anxiety and misery
Sadness and grief

The sun is always down and the stars never out
A black hole forms in the pit of my stomach
I breathe in, breathe out.
A million needles pierce through my insides.

I cave in, and let the tears fall
It doesn’t help, and I want to feel happy.

I can’t feel happy
It’s a quickly passing and to-good-to-be-true emotion.
My family and friends all ask what’s wrong
I have no answer.

I lay in bed, staring at my empty walls
My mind blank, I am isolated and alone
I can’t move, almost paralyzed
I want to get up
I want to go outside or do normal things
I cannot.

My arms won’t move, my legs will not budge
I lie there
The sun comes up and goes back down
More days wasted.
All the while, not a single thought passing through my brain.