Living while dying

Morning comes. 
I shrug on my disguise.
I write my goodbyes
And I run
For my life.

It's the start of a new day.
Should make me happy.
Should make me sing
But I know tomorrow
Will be the same thing.

I think about mother.
I think about love.
I think about kisses after pain.

I shrug on my armor.
I shrug on my disguise. 
I start a new day.
My heart, 
It cries
For the hurt I will be feeling,
For the pain I will be healing,
Affliction so intentional,
It always leaves me screaming
And crying and biting,
And living, not hiding,
Because life with this pain
Is living while dying.