The Long Goodbye

Time seems to slow to a crawl.
I see flashbacks of my childhood,
I remember sneaking into the girls stall.
I try to think positive, focus on the good.

I hear voices around me,
My mind seems to be floating,
Feel as if my body has been set free,
My feet start shivering, a slight tingling.

I remember the car rides with my parents,
All the trips around the world,
Plane rides to Italy and France,
My brother hated planes, he always hurled!

Someone’s yelling, calling my name,
I try to respond but it comes out as a cough.
Wonder if they’re joking, some kind of game,
I’m tired, please someone turn that off!

Still see clearly the day I got married,
That was before the war started.
Can’t believe I said I’d go, that I agreed,
That was before all of my friends were dead.

The voices are getting fainter,
And I’m starting to get cold,
Should have stayed in Paris, been a painter,
I must be losing my hearing, getting old.

Still remember Susan’s first words
Thought I was leaving because she had been bad,
She loved animals, especially the birds,
My heart melted when she said, “I’m sorry, Dad!”

Why is he interrupting me as I say goodbye,
I try to sit up to tell him to leave.
I can’t seem to move, hard as I try,
Why does it sound as if he’s starting to grieve?

I promise her I’ll be back real soon,
Even my wife begs me to stay,
Since then, I’ve counted 7 full moons,
I fear soon my hair will be gray.

Finally I get an eye open to look around,
Someone’s there, looks like a doctor.
Impossible to hear over the ringing sound,
Suddenly I remember why I’m lying on the floor.

My wife will never forgive me for this,
My only regrets are for those I leave behind.
Hard to think what most about my family I will miss,
The memories of a lifetime run through my mind.

I try one last time to speak
To ask, “What was it all for?”
But the efforts useless, my body to weak,
Realize I don’t even care anymore.

I had been on my way home,
Want to tell Susan how sorry I am.
I see her standing over my tombstone,
Susan won’t understand, innocent as a lamb.

Shot in the back getting in the plane,
My time was up, going home to my family.
“Tell them, ‘I’m sorry!’” I sputter through the pain,
The doctor nods his head in a silent promise to me.

“Why isn’t daddy coming home?” she’ll ask
Just the thought brings tears to my eyes.
Realization dawning as they close the cask,
“I promise to be good daddy, please don’t die!”

Finally I can hold on no longer,
I lay back and wait, my body gone numb.
My eyes seem to lose focus, my vision to blur,
It’s time for my soul to return to where it’s from.