lullabyes

i pushed a lullabye
out with paint,
i spilled it on the canvas
that would cover your grave. 

i spent so many years 
just dreaming of you 
and then you came 
without warning,

and then you came again-
too early. 

i didn’t mean to sing so loudly,
i didn’t mean to rush you. 
i was only trying to calm your twisting,
kicking against my walls,
your home. 

i was trying not to crumble
beneath the weight. 
i was only wanting you to feel safe,
for you to stay. 

i’m sorry if i wasn’t better prepared,
that the walls i provided 
were aged with scar tissue 
and unhealthy baggage. 

i really miss you 
and dream of you everyday,
i know you would be beautiful
and smart and just
all the things.

all of the very right things.