Maintaining marital covenant bailiwick wife doth master

which prime mate affectionately called buttock blaster
alimentary explosion ofttimes causes global disaster
upon such gaseous debacle run for your life ever faster!

Yours truly (humorously dry husband)
can definitively attest,
she (thee missus) nixed, ordained,
inured, espoused blessed
discrete frolicsome liaisons regarding
shenanigans Mister Phil Ander
deviously, knowingly, and stealthily wrested.

Dirty deed done dirt cheap
trick discovered visa vis
super tramping bleep
mother 62311518 claimed,
he drove while sound asleep.

Risque somnambulant tryst
viz escapade constituting naked ape
morphed into nightmare,
when noose hung around nape
verboten fruit heed vape.

Gamesome cocksure attitude
severely irked first born
of his hereditary brood
pricked temptation concerning wedded dude
frenetic altercation begot feud
miscreant dalliance whipsawed and hewed
antics buzz-feeding carnal groove

portrayed (by "mother") as indecent and lewd
spelling downfall impossible mission daughters
envisioned their impeccable father nude
obviously he elicited false pretensions being a prude
no moral compass shamefacedly screwed
licentious transgression abominable however viewed.

The motto carpe diem liberally
translated carte blanche
get thee (yours truly)
to a nunnery sporting about
envisioned foreplay gallivanting without doubt
cavalier attitude hashtagged

yours truly as one preeminent lout
gathering rosebuds while ye may
rather than pout
adapting what me worry playbook page
linkedin to Alfred E. Neuman mad scout
infidelity Casanova wannabe doth tout
plenty of fish aside from American trout.

The aforementioned merely signifies fantastical zeal
sisters of mercy appeasing cogitating human
emulating generic garden variety common wheel
ordinary goodfella well spoken
giving his exemplary poetic spiel

reeling off inane prurient fantasy newsreel
no rhyme nor reason expressing salacious he'll
be coming round the mountain
to quench sexual thirst,
where celibacy finds mine flesh to ail.

Metaphorical libidinal longings I elevate
vis a vis authoring, crafting, entertaining...
juvenile scribblings dat ain't so great
analogous to sexual satisfaction,
employing English language
métier write engenders
yours truly to salivate

subsequently to the electronic
circular filing cabinet
readers moost likely relegate
regarding hormonal secretions I sublimate
thru writing prevaricated risqué tête-à-tête
hooping syllabification harmonious
synchronization doth undulate.