Malevolent Love

No matter what I do I can’t get you out my head,
I want to scream I want to die, but I just cry instead.
It took so much for me to even let you in,
I thought you cared about me I though you were my friend.
Felt like paradise when I was with you, just to end like this,
Not even giving me an explanation, not even telling me what I did.
I feel so hurt I feel so numb I have no emotions inside,
Spending my every thought thinking about it, asking myself why.
Is it because of what I told you I had, now you look at me with disgust,
But you still slept with me willingly how could you break my trust.
Made me feel so special just to break my heart,
Used bruised and abused me, now I’m left with the scars.
Piled On top of the ones I already had,
How can I have felt so happy with you just now to feel so sad.
I never even saw it coming you really cut me deep,
Tell me you love me then cut me off, now I can’t even sleep.
How could you do this to anyone especially do this to me,
I really cared about you a lot I’m still in shock and disbelief.
Take me on a trip and spend all that money and spend all that time together
Just to come back home and drop me like I never mattered to you ever.
I risked a lot just to be with you because I thought that you were different,
But you are just like the rest of them, if not worse how can you be so inconsiderate.
You have to know that I’m hurt and you still wont even reach out to see if I’m even ok,
But I’m so glad you don’t get the satisfaction of seeing the tears flow down my face.
Texting you, and calling and you wont even pick up or respond,
I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worse enemy, you treated me so wrong.
I tried to figure out what was wrong I tried so hard to fix it,
Was it about my condition, or the belt I even apologized about the pictures.
I thought you were the one I had been waiting on, the one that would step in,
The one that would heal my wounds and help my broken heart mend.
From your personality, to your drive and your passion for your kids,
I loved everything about you I can’t even pretend.
I told you some of my painful moments and my darkest secrets,
Now I wish I could take it all back I have so much regret.
I see why the strongest break, and the sweetest fruit turns bitter,
I see why when people want to love again, they quickly reconsider.
I never knew id feel that way about you, yes, I fell for you I really did,
Now all I can do is hold on to the memories and sit and reminisce.
Maybe one day you’ll finally tell me to put my mind some rest
Or maybe it was meant to make me stronger somehow, I wonder did I pass the test.
I feel I hate you, but I still love you, and I have no idea why,
I still have feelings for you and wish we would work out someday I can’t even deny.
But its tearing me apart trying to get answers I’ll probably never get,
So, I guess ill continue to pray and let go, of all the memories but never forget.
My time is coming, count it as a loss for you,
God has someone special just for me, who will see my worth and value.
It may not be yet, or even today but one day I know I will heal,
But just remember karma comes back around and one day you’ll know how it feels.