Speeding

Speeding in the wrong direction.
Searching for that true connection,
For love, for truth,
For honesty, for a clue.
To lead me to the right road to take,
Looking all around trying to find the way.
Speeding to a unknown destination
Longing for laughter for a pure conversation.
Loosing time, and running past life I’ve never got to live,
Missing out on forming bonds, and broken relationships I never got to mend.
Should I yield to the actions of others along the way,
Should i look at the speed limit and slow down to make it to another day.
Moving so fast, I can barely notice my surroundings anymore,
So pressed on moving forward and scared to look back because I don’t want to feel that hurt anymore.
Should I take a break and rest?
Put my mind a ease for a minute, because I feel my heart pounding in my chest.
Surprised my heart still beats due to how many times it’s been broken,
All the hurtful incidents I’ve encountered and taken in all the hurtful words that were spoken.
How am I moving yet I feel like I’m still standing still?
Why have all these people hurt me so bad I’m drained this hurt is real.
Speeding down memory lane trying to erase the pain while the memories stay,
Going in and out of consciousness as these painful images fade.
What did it do that was so bad that I keep experiencing this hurt and pain?
Repeatedly from the ones closest to my heart, I’m racing to break these chains.
No one seems to notice or even seems to care or see how this is affecting me,
All I wanted was true love and honesty and to raise a family.
Yet I run this race alone,
What I’m going through nobody knows
Every time I feel I have found someone to run with me
I search my every side and they disappear completely.
Speeding towards this empty room, towards this emptiness inside,
So many people have lied, used and abused and hurt me all I have energy to do is cry.
I feel so different, out of place I feel so alone,
Somedays I don’t know if I’m coming or going or even which way to go,
Like a kid on a school bus sitting in the back,
Like riding the train
And it doesn’t flow smoothly is constantly off track.
Yet I’m still speeding, Day and night
Hoping, letting the sun shine some light
Into my cold dark world, and letting the stars lead the way at night.
With the shooting star I’m still racing
Trying to fit in, into the galaxy.
Yet I still feel like i don’t belong, like I’m just another constellation.
Does real love really exist or is it just a tease,
Will things turn around for me, or will I forever live in this dream.
Speeding around with my golden compass, Showing me east from west,
I look and pray to god that I’ll grow and ill past this test.
As I grow weary, and my eyes fill with tears,
I know if I keep speeding, I know that the end is near.
God let me run in confidence, god let me speed with pride,
Lay your hand on my broken heart and make me new inside.