Maybe it's everything

I don't know what's wrong, maybe its everything or absolutely nothing. But something at least feels wrong. I get on with my parents but to be around them is to tread on eggshells and feel incompetent and unfulfilling, a disappointment. But they don't know that because they never say anything is making them unhappy about me, maybe because they see a more toned-down and concealed version so they don't worry. The real me doesn't need to be seen simply because I don't know what the real me is anymore. School's going well but I have a verging and growing feeling that it's not going well enough, I feel demotivated and bored by school but I'm productive enough to stay under the radar, functional. My friends are good but I don't feel like I'm anyone's go-to friend, per-se. I couldn't tell them my issues but if I needed a laugh, they'd be there. maybe that's because I've told them all this - after some drinks and between a few jokes - they decided to ignore it so they could go about their night, unchanged and unbothered. Just how I make it for them now, they see a more toned-down and concealed version, to make their days simpler and my nights harder. After all this is emotionally regurgitated in the form of a convoluted amalgamation of crying and laughing when I'm alone. I go numb. I do my school work, wash my face, brush my hair while my eyes burn and my brain embodies blank noise, I create that toned-down and concealed person I use. I'm not sure whose really real anymore, or what's wrong or what's going right. Indecision and simply not knowing. Ignorant bliss or riotous unawareness, I'm not sure. All I know, 100% is that something is wrong, something feels wrong, maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's everything.