You know?

"Maybe I was right the first time around, you know?
Maybe no one caring was a win-win situation, no one had to worry about me, no one had the burden of needing to know if I was ok or being impulsive to feel numb again. And I didn't have to face any of it either, I could get away with it all, as long as you wear a convincing smile and joke around ever so often they don't need to know. 
maybe being alone was my best time, right? 
Because it doesn't matter how bad it gets, or if it becomes too much. As long as you don't show it, you can conceal it. Can live a lie that's more comfortable than facing a truth.
If I can convince myself of that, I can convince others right? 
Back to square 1, the simultaneous best and worst time"
That's all she said about herself, a moment of lapse judgement in her mind, she had bared her soul and now continued to hide it. 
Alone and convincingly, you know?