Lost but never missing

Saddest little girl with the brightest eyes of blue pretending that nothing hurts her but years of abuse prove that to be untrue

each day she pulls herself together hiding behind a thick mask of protective lies

the real her noone knows and would never recognize

noone will ever know her she doesnt even know her self

She has years worth of different personalities shes collectively compiled to keep her company on her secluded little shelf

The enternal preservation that she used to keep from getting hurt
has turned her into a hollow shell
She's alive but not allert

shes learned how to mimmick happiness but remains forever numb by accepting the knowledge that for her betters days will never come
Noone sees how bad shes hurting she keeps it hidden very well noone knows her life is ruled by pain and everyday  a living hell
her youth has all been wasted deminished all in vein
its now an every day struggle figuring out how to file away the pain
each new day she lives and each new day she dies she cant move on in life no matter how hard she tries

if she could just clear her mind and find someway to forget all the haunting whispers while she was made to quietly sit

if one day she could accept and finally realize that every negative thing he drilled into her were all just manipulative evil lies
how many life times have there been
how many have come and gone

she's still left there standing clueless not knowing how to carry on

the feeling of no matter how hard she tries she's always going to fail keeps her from truly living with no chance out of this hell

she's surrounded by her family, enemy disguised as friends it gets harder and harder to tell the difference between where the two now beging and ends

shes silly and she dances and cracks witty inappropriate jokes while everyone else is laughing inside shes drowning as the misery festers and it soaks
it slowly trickles through her body consuming her entire being

how is everyone silently watching yet noone is truly seeing
she continues her days struggling
Struggling to find the will to go on
But the laughter she gives others hides the please just let me disapear forever sleepy groggy yawn
But every morning she gets up and continues to fight the fight trying to rekindle some kind of sunshine where she now feels the deepest darkest shades of night
nobody can hurt me they will never see me cry...she whispers to the heavens "thank you lord please wrap your arms around me as i try"
She waves to acquaintances and speaks to people passing by
with every smiling word she speaks she is living one big lie
she has noone to talk too and if she did what would she say
she carries around so much guilt and wonders why was built this way

she hides behind fake happiness
and noone one ever sees
that she is slowly dying from a depression fueled disease

Stuck in the past and steadily reminising how will she ever be found this lost little girl who is gone but never been missing