Me

How do I explain how I feel
depressed all the time so surreal
Crying at everything
But I don't say a thing
Don't feel I belong
What have I done so wrong
Helped those out that needed me 
Now I'm alone you see
Family gone mum don't care
Bf not bothered if I cry
He just sighs,,,,,,,,
What's wrong now
How can I say to him
I feel unloved all I've ever done
Has been there for everyone .
Why did I bother noone cares
Why am I here noone would notice
If I was dead not around
Don't give damn kicked to the ground
Cooking cleaning shopping helping him out
Yet if I'm done he just as shouts
Why can't you understand
I feel alone in this land 
Would I be missed nah not one bit
They just think I'm a twist
I keep quiet as no one cares
About the thoughts in my head 
I've hAd enough now I can't cope
People just think I'm a joke 
You don't understand I'm I'll
Because you can't see it you laugh 
I say to you your ignorance shows
And I'm about to blow
Explode and have a breakdown 
I'm feeling low now I want to go
Go to sleep ever wake-up 
I'm so very fed up 
I've tried my hardest not good 
Enough so I pray to God I don't wake up.
I hope one day someone gets the point
That despression isn't my fault
Just means I cannot cope 
Strength I have lost belittled broke down
 Destined never to wear a wedding gown
I'm 46 to late for me noone could possibly want me
So I write poems that I make in my head
Just to clear the clutter 
Thank you for reading my splutter