Me Too Sister, Me Too

I am enraged.

For so long I buried my agony in a tombstone of shame.

Choking back the burning salt water that threatened to expose my unsettling contrition, I scoured my flesh beneath the floods of smoldering hot showers.

“This is love” he proclaimed,
"This is a good thing"
"You are beautiful woman"
"This is how a man should love a woman"

I was an unloved child,
a discarded luggage,
a disposable pawn in the palms of the system.

How was I to know that the boulder atop my lungs meant run
How was I to know that my internal disgust
Was not merely my ignorant & ungrateful 
mind,
But that the unrelenting siren meant my disdain was substantial.

What did I know of love?
Love leaves.
Love yells.
Love breaks.
Love bruises
Love scars.
Love never stays.

How was I to know that this was not love?
How was I, an illegitimate spawn of a reckless mom
supposed to know that this was not love.

He stayed.
He brushed my hair.
He held my hand.
He whispered sweet nothings.
He wiped my tears.
He filled my stomach.
He. Stayed.

I was not a woman.
I was a child.
I was not a woman.
I was a casualty.
I was not a woman.
I was a warning.
I was not a woman.
I. Was. Silent.

"Don't tell you mother"
"You are a loyal queen"
"You are so smart for wanting this"
"Thank you for making me your first"
"I will show you the top of the world"
"You are a beautiful woman"

No.
I was a silenced orphan.
I was a vulnerable target.
I was a troubled child.
I was a delinquent without a voice.

Who I am to say no?
Who am I to fight back?
My word against his?
He a godly role model
He a compassionate mortal.

I the nobody.
I the redeemed stray,
I the unpolished ruins extracted from abandoned street corner.
I, the orphan.

Cry in silence.
Mourn in silence.
Question in silence.
Accept in silence.
Crumble in silence.
Silence. Silence. Silence.

I can no longer remain silent.
I can no longer remain hidden.
I can no longer remain victim.
I am not victim. I am survivor.
I am enraged.

"Asking for it"
"What was she wearing"
"She knew she wanted it"
"Why didn't she resist"
"Why didn't she speak up"
"Sit down, be quiet. Nobody cares"

We must unite. We must fight.
We mustn't be dainty, we cannot be silenced.
We, are woman.
We are survivor.
We are resilient.
We, are disgusted.
We, are pissed off.

So now I come forward.
Now I surrender my truth so that no child ever misses out on being a child.
Now I scream my truth
Because a 12 year old should be putting their teeth under a pillow
Because a 12 year old shouldn't have to hide a knife under her blanket.
Because no child should have to think "If he comes at me tonight, I swear to god I will plunge this knife into his throat.

Now I release my shame
So that women may one day walk the streets without fear
So that no young girl will be scared into being silent
So that no sleazy, entitled man ever approaches my fellow sister
Certain that his gender grants him access to her body.

Now I speak up
Because no would have believed me so I stayed silent

Now I speak up
Because I believe you
Now I speak up
Because we will prevail
Now I speak up
Because the future is female
And these females are pissed.

Now I speak up
Because love is not power
Love is not painful
Love is not hateful
Love is not isolation
Love is not shame
Love. Is. Solidarity.

Me too sister. Me too.