Means nothing
30 60 90 days means nothing at all to youĀ
to auction off somebodies things is something I could never do
you wouldn't look me in the eye as you said I was too late
face is red tears streaming down showing my emotional state
the hole inside my life now nothing felt but pain
I have a permanent storm cloud and all it does is rain
I always lie just to myself be positive upbeat
but how the hell can I smile through all my life's defeat
darkness is now creeping in my heart it starts to cover
press the pillow on my face-my life I wish to smother
every thought and memory imbedded in my brain
I severely fucked this up my ache I can't contain
now every time I close my eyes I feel just what I've done
my heart is broken everyday pieces falling one by oneĀ
until I fear there is nothing left then what will I become
sleeping in this bed I made and now its just for one
bridges burnt and I have found that I am all alone
running climbing but still can't find the place my heart feels home
I cannot forgive myself or give myself a break
my heart it now begins to bleed this beating I must take
to my grave ill take with me the pain I caused my family
the scars I branded on my heart now lost to this insanity
I can no longer feel the things that I did once before
I cant even fake a smile this cut goes to my core
I know that there are many things in life to take apart
but there is very little that "means nothing" to my heart...
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Comments
Hello Jamie...
It's difficult to get the energy to want to rebuild...
All your hard work's sacrifice and investment that you tried to store and it gets auctioned off to a total stranger...
Now, you're left to start over again...
You're going to think about it at different times but, it will hurt everytime...
Then be proud of yourself and see how strong you've become if you think it...
It helps if you do...
Great write!
Thank you for sharing...
Hugs...
sparrowsong
thank you so much for the comment! I agree rebuilding is rough! this one hit me a bit harder than most of the times before for a few reasons, my son passed away and all I had left of him, pictures hand prints made by the hospital the night he died, the last thing he ever wore---the totally and completely irreplaceable things I can't even bare the thought of. things of both of my daughters that I can'tĀ replace, and the worst part is that they gave me until 1pm and I got there at 1:05 with every dime and then some and the man behind the counter laughed as he informed me ever so smugly that "I got rid of your shit this morning" I thought I might die then and there. the district manager tried to contact the auctioneer and the person that bought my things and asked them please don't throw the personal items of her children away but they must have because I never heard back and I have left a million messages and my ex-husbands amazing wife has been trying also. I guess I need to come to the realization that it is all really gone.....they threw my sons memories as well as my daughters in the trash like they were nothing. I don't think I could ever do something like that. it just hurts. I wasn't even a full 2 months late. I lost my job and im living in my car im about to lose that also......I am just lost, even more now than before. sorry for the rambling but thank you for caring enough to comment. it means a lot to know that someone is out there in the world going through their own life and struggles but you took the time to read my words and comment, you have touched my soul. thank you Ā Ā
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