MEN ARE FROM MARS/WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

CO-WRITTEN BY JASON LEE AND RACHEL GARDINER.  NO PRIZES FOR GUESSING WHO WROTE WHICH BIT !!

FIRST DATE - HIS ACCOUNT

Got a date with a chick on Saturday night

Its our second attempt, the first was shite

She hated football and couldn't play pool

Didn't drink beer, or think I was cool!

I bought her dinner which she barely ate

Demanded a lift home at ten past eight!!

I dropped her off, hoping for a kiss; maybe more

The only thing I got was a face full of door!!!

FIRST DATE - HER ACCOUNT

My friend hooked me up with a guy from her work

The first date was awful, he was a right bleeding jerk!

Rambled on about footie, whilst he played with his cue

Ordered me a pint of lager when I went to the loo!

Thought it was cute to order on my behalf!

Decided a surf 'n' turf share, would be good for a larf!!

Pool and a pint with a meat platter to share

Was not my idea of romantic fare!

So when he dropped me back home and lunged in for a grope

I slammed the door shut on the fat headed dope!

But since then he's rung and asked for one last chance

So on Saturday night he's gonna take me to dance!

SECOND/LAST DATE - HIS ACCOUNT

Right that's it, I aint seeing her no more

I should have got the message when she slammed the fucking door 

I can honestly say I gave it my best

But she made me feel like a drunken pest!

We talked about life, no mention of sport!

Went for a little dance; I was 'in' or so I thought!

I was so romantic and very attentive 

But she's got a degree in being ‘anal’ retentive!

She drank some wine, it made her sick

Kiboshing all hope of her playing with my dick!

Outside her house she dropped to her knees

A blowjob??   NOOO, ... the silly cow had dropped he keys

SECOND/LAST DATE - HER ACCOUNT

Well, that's his lot, what a friggin joke

I'm never again going out with that bloke

He's a drunk and a groper, and has no bleeding class

He spent all night trying to fondle my ass

He thought he was funny to attempt "the death grip"

As he manhandled my dress and his fingers did slip

So I feigned being ill, said it must be the wine

But it was the green light to return back to mine

The nerves did kick in when he got back to my door

As I dropped the keys and then scrambled on the floor

But to my horror and surprise when I got up from the mat

He zip was undone and declared "get your laughing gear round that!!"

So it goes without saying this couple did part

A tale of a relationship that failed to start

Is it true what they say that women are from venus?

And that men are from mars..... OR just consumed by their penis!!!!!!