MERRY XMAS FOR FREE

I’ve always loved Xmas time

Ever since I was a kid

Though I dread the family gatherings

Cos it was the only time we did!!

Funny how you feel obliged

In fact, it’s rather queer

You spend these precious moments

With ‘Strangers’ you see once a year!

My Aunt’s second cousin

And my Uncle’s best mate Pat

I barely know my fuckin Aunt

And my Uncle’s a gobby twat!!

Who the hell invites them?

Do they randomly just come round

They nail all the food and beer

And it doesn’t cost ‘em a pound

What a bunch of free loaders

My distant ‘family’ are

Turning up in knock off clothes

In a dodgy clapped out car!

I wonder if they’d all still come

If the piss up was’nt free

Wud they fucking eckers like

It’d be just me Mam and me!........