Muscle Memory

I don't know if I told you
The reasons why I get this way
I could blame my past
I could blame it on that
But the process of becoming undone...
Like a sweater falling off your shoulders and then your arms
Letting the draft of wind soak your skin
This, this is where I begin
November's claws always seem to creep their way up my back
Sinking into my neck; pulling my hair, and my mouth opens to gasp
I scream
"Not again!"
But this is where it begins.
Choking on memories that steal my breath
Re-living their lives through the home of my muscles once again
A hospital pillow hits my head
But I am not there anymore, no matter how much I go back
Instead, I am here in my Lover's arms, in his bed
But this is where it begins every year.
Here.
At, November's end