My 3 ill wills

1

It’s 3am on a rainy night
and I’m only half awake,
surprised to be in my car,
surprised to be holding your naked body.
It’s 3am on a rainy night
and the stars are all hiding,
I look down and you’re sleeping,
I knew only of you in dreams
that longed for peace of some sorts.
It’s 3am on a rainy night
and the tortured androids
recharge their batteries,
tomorrow’s another day
another drive through traffic
another drink to calm the tension
another empty stare at the clock.
Tomorrow they’ll rise
and march through the city
racing towards the spirit,
at this time the city glows,
I watch the empty streets roar,
I hear the rotting moon sing,
I feel your soft skin melting unto mine,
I’ve been up all night for days on end
I’ve lost my mind in pools of color,
I’ve been reborn in shades of oblivion.
There’s a grey garden
waiting for me on the empty sides of melancholy,
“we are one in the same.”
I say as you sleep,
a cruel joke, almost winter, faces dissolve.
It’s 3am on a rainy night
and I’m only half awake,
the dream bleeds out 
through ripples of my mind
and a bird outside
howls at the sky,
I’m almost awake
I’m almost alive.

2

One more drink
and I’ll kick the moon in it’s teeth
one more drink
and I’ll corrupt the earth
with half lost ideas,
one more drink till I follow
one more drink till tomorrow.
Art is all I am, different interpretations,
it’s all the same in the end,
call towards the ones you love
call for the soul which you once had,
it’s all calling me back towards the sun,
seas they steal from the time of love
it’s all calling me back 
it’s all turning rotten,
familiar faces turned into abysses 
warm feelings turned into dust,
it’s all calling me back,
to the root of it all
to the rusted houses
to the ancient laughter
to the vivid atrocities,
it’s all calling me back.

3

I have been walking for 3 nights
and I no longer wish to keep going,
I throw myself on the ground
but am immediately back to my feet,
I attempt to break a leg
but I am unable to,
“Who then is it that controls me?” 
An empty question that I direct towards the sky.
I look around and all that surrounds me is sand,
buried in this goddamn sand
living and breathing in this goddamn sand.
I am still walking, still moving through seas of sand, I look now to my mind,
“Stop!” I order it.
Nothing, no answer, just simple silence.
My shoes overflow with blood
and drip into the sand,
it creates a beautiful color, 
the red gets thick
and I fall to my knees,
then am immediately back up.
I move through this circle again and again for all of eternity, the sand wiping away everything, the mind transcending through dust and bone, I am my ill wills, I am the fading image of humanity, in and out, through and through, my hand follows the field, the sun returns to it’s cave, and I, to mine.