MY JOURNEY

The day came,anxiety hitting an imaginary roof
I had waited so long,I had fought nail and tooth
I did nt know what to expect, would I fall apart
would I weep in sorrow? would I show my heart
The truth is,I have lived half a life for many years 
I hid from the world,locked away, because of fears 
Now I had to tell it all,my story of heartbreak and pain
and if I did nt , I,d never get back,to being me again.

And so I sat there in a room with a lady who had a kind face 
I reeled off the bad memories,my mouth dry,with a sick taste
It was if i was reliving them,all the horror the anger and hurt
then the tears flowed,I felt cleansed, like those feelings were dirt.
The last thing I talked of was my mother,I thought my heart would break,
and as I looked at the lady,tears had weld in her eyes for my sake
I guess when you talk of a person with love,who has passed away
there is empathy,understanding,and the lady showed  it that day 

And so,it was her time to talk she said "I am convinced you have P.T.S.D
all the trauma you have had, your symptoms are definitive signs to me
So all these years,the anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks and depression,
are caused by awful times in my life,from my brain,s constant recollection.
It feels so good to finally have some sort of diagnosis,and to be treated
and whatever I need to do I will....no more will I be defeated.
So as I embark on the road to wellness, and hopefully recovery 
there s been wasted years, but I hope to not look back to past life,s misery

My journey is just starting, there will be tears, as I unburden my soul
But the ending to my story is, for me Deborah Evans, to once again be whole....