My Pleasure and Pain

My Pain and pleasure,

to torment my soul with words said,

and deeds long ago done -

My Pleasure,

to see myself broken in a heap on the floor,

crying out for death, and yet knowing,

it won't come -

My pain,

simple take who I was at 13,

and make her regret everything she did till she was 19,

then get back up, and wipe the pathetic tears away -

My Pain and pleasure,

so intertwined together,

that I don't even know who, or what I am -

The line so torn between the two,

that I don't know how to divide them anymore -

I start to itch for the feel of an insult,

or derogatory name just to remind myself,

that I am alive,

that I can feel -

My pleasure and pain,

to be curled on the floor,

in a tight little ball, seeing an evil twin,

or figment of my mind -

Stand over me and beat me,

and throw me around like a rag doll,

all by using her voice,

or as twisted as it may sound,

...my thoughts