My Torn heart

My Torn heart,
When did it start.....
about 12 and a half yrs ago,
when my life had a 6 week end of use,
was it the Drs that saved Me or the cannabis to my body I introduced?
whatever it is or was,
i just hope either saves me from the hangmans loop.
Even though whom I thought was the love of my life stood by me,
was it the that my heart was torn between life and love that blinded me,
to the things she was doing,
horrible things,
things I didn't want to believe,
things i could not see....
was it then that my heart started tearing,
or 8 and a half yrs later,
when my wife and i realised we didn't want the same things and our marriage wasn't working.....
oh my god we tried,
not for us,
but for our three little boys,
to carry on in life,
Fake love between us both,
until she cheated and upped and left,
leaving me with our boys and left to clean up after her mess.
was it then that my heart started to wither and die,
thinking true love would ever come to this guy?
i don't think so,
cos shes already made me stronger,
her leaving us all has made mine and my 3 boys bond more robust and all together tougher and I feed their hearts with so much love that is like food for their hearts and I'm getting rid of their hunger,
they are the ones that'll keep me going in life,
keep me going for longer.
So if it's not from all that,
although they do play a small part,
it's my decisions In life that determine my path.
does one path lead to my hearts pure destruction,
or is my path moving in the complete opposite of directions?
in the last year and a half I've made some wrong choices,
so it could be them,
that piece by piece my heart is being broken to pieces.
to tatters,
to ruin.
So what's tearing my heart,
please tell me what's wrong,
what is it i'm doing?
my problem is that I wear my heart on my sleeve,
where it's not protected from the evil it's recieved....
past loves and future ones too,
when's my heart gonna stop tearing,
Please somebody help me and come save my tearing heart,
it needs to be soon.