My world

Have you ever watched your world crumble,
       I don’t mean politics, disaster theories, and seeming pointless tumbles.
I mean when your world abandons you,
       Leaving you back where the world left you before you saw it too.
Nicotine and assuming alcoholism is how I coop,
       Even with those, I am losing my hope.
For when your world is destroying you,
       Why would I care if I'm the world to others?
I purposely make myself feel miserable and like I don't matter,
        That's how I wanna feel like if I had a funeral there would be no chatter.
I don’t want to matter to others, maybe it’d make my plan easier to go through with,
        Just end what misery I cause myself and stop attempting to be happy.
But my world wouldn’t like that either,
        And if I left my world feeling how I did, I would rather be her shelter.
My world’s name is Chantell and I’d still do anything,
        But at this point what if that's nothing.
I want my world back, but she’s happier in her other universe,
        Leaving here is my greatest curse.