not good enough for anyone

i dont feel right,
i dont feel human,
i feel as if,
i have lost my mind,
i sit there trying to think,
nothing but blank emptyness fills my thoughts,
i begin to feel mad and afraid along with confused,
all at once,
i dont know whats happening,
my throat is sore,
and im caughing up slime,
what is the time?
god what is wrong with me!?
i now have this aching thud in my head.
it hurts,
man i wish jennifer was here,
i have no one to talk to,
i have no one to help me through,
i miss her,
i have this empty feeling in my heart,
that reminds me of heart break and sorrow,
i hope shes safe,
man i dont want to tell her,
i dont want to explain,
the way  feel,
the way she made me feel,
i wish i had help just a friend,
because once she's gone,
il go back to being a loser,
a freak,
to being pushed and shoved,
and bad grades,
if only there was another way,
my mind is blank,
and my heart is that of an break,
i mean i know i dont smoke or drink,
but i should be good enough for her,
im not rich so i know i wont be able to buy her everything she wants,
my dicks not the biggest so i know i wont be her dream guy,
man why do i even try,
just to always end in an heart break,
witch is mine,
i would never hurt her only me,

i wish to only keep her safe,
but im not the strongest so i cant do that right either,
man i cant do anything right,
so why try,
i dont deserve a girl,
i mean i didnt even have the nerve to give her those letters,
or those roses,
if only she knew that she was my world then maybe this thing would blow over because right now this world is apoculiptic full of zombies and mutant giants,
she is most likely making fun of me right now,
smoking up a bud and rememebring old times,
knowing her she is most likely with someone else,
with my luck i was lucky to make it this far,
im lucky to of made it to 15,
so why keep going on,
just to fall and be kicked,
why stand up when you can lay down,
and make the pain leave,
no heart breaks, 
no pain,
no rent,
no parents,
no drama.
but seeing her face the first time i tried to leave was to devistating,
i felt like the world has just set fire and i was the only one to survive,
man i wish she were to never of saw those scars,
or the bloodied blades,
because id of been gone by now saving me these years of pain,
i guess i deserve to be alone in pain and forever be alone,
i get that im not perfict and i am ready to be alone,
i know jennifer will understand,
she deserves better than me,
she is an angel and i am but a jailcell holding her back,
id given her my world now its time for her to give her own world away to someone.  because i know in her world,

im not in it,
il never be in it,
she is sexy funny hot smart,
and i am ugly skinny retarded mentel and an reck,
no wonder why i have no friends,
they wouldnt be caught dead anywhere near me.
and i dont blame them ....
as i am and forever will be not good enough,
for everyone........