Not the worst, but still bad

You cant see them but they are there. Scars from my past cover my body. Memories bring them back. They grow bigger and bigger. Reminding me of the pain I have been through.  Some have went away but others remain.  Scaring me for, the rest of my life. I`ve tried to get rid of them but nothing helps. Old images are still fresh in my mind. Seeing them makes me cringe. I have attempted four times in my life. But I always was afraid, of what was next. Wishing my would would just die  and my bones would decay. Not wanting to meet either, of the big two. But knowing me the one below would be in my presence. My life is not the worst I know this. But I feel lucky for anyone who doesn't have to live it.