Older Than Dirt

When I was a young lad in the prime of life
Never thought I'd still be around
When my driver's license said, “older than dirt!”
And my mind was no longer sound

But I can get away with a bunch of neat stuff
Rack it up to “he's left the planet!”
“His mental capacity equals that of a wee child”
Gonna take full advantage, run the gamut

Just need to pee myself and dribble now and then
Talk in riddles and scratch my bum
Wipe my boogies on my Sunday best clothes
And belch when company comes

Know all the neat tricks as I giggle to myself
It's a downright lead pipe cinch
Con them till they put me in an old pine box
Mumbling about my belly button lint