Only Drowning Men Are Honest

If I am on a raft at sea,
And if that raft begins to sink,
Do I elect what I believe?
Do the waves permit such liberty?
When the waves do crash and slip away,
And rattle my raft beneath their weight,
And drench my flesh, and strike my face
They leave a quickened man, atop the gray.
Here there is no disbelief,
And doubt is a scarce commodity.
There is only the ocean, a raft, and me,
And the waves which beat, corrosively,
In the heart of this storm I sense fire.
In defeat, recant, my past’s desires,
Then clasp my hands in prayer,
And pray that there is no God,
Or that God will forgive this liar.
A beam of light did pierce the sky,
And found its mark upon my eye,
It caused my soul to feel alive,
A sprouting hope so deep inside.
But just as quick as hope arrived,
Thick clouds progressed, and capped the sky,
And drowned the sprouting hope inside,
I uttered, “On these seas I will die.”
The thought began to flood my head,
As the waters began to flood the deck,
That though I breathe my final breath,
The sea has no regard.
My raft is torn apart,
To the waves I am thrown.
I lived first for my heart,
I lived first for the crowd,
But now, I drown alone.
I cannot say that I believe in Thee,
I cannot say that I have faith in Thee,
Oh, deep sea, that will not let me breathe,
And this allows me no uncertainty.
Doubt is as the shores of sand,
And nowhere is there doubt at hand,
Only the waves which crash overhead,
And the abyss, which is lurks down in the depths.
I have found the only honest place on earth,
The space between regret and dread,
Between dying and obtaining death,
The voyage out of life’s caress,
The exiting of life’s final breath,
It calls me back before my birth,
Before this world, I did traverse,
Before my heart learned to curse,
Before my lips in pride did purse,
Before my eyes with rage did burn!
For here there is neither room nor regard,
For my once ‘deeply’ held beliefs,
For without regards for what I believe,
The sea holds deepest, me.
And here my worries are cast aside,
As through the murky depths I glide,
And feel my heart pound inside,
There is no time for me to lie.
Without a thing to gain or lose,
Without an aim to shame or prove,
I sink, in silent, honesty.
It is only here that I can breathe,
Here, so cradled by the sea,
All fear is cast aside,
And all the depths have come to light.
I do not hold beliefs,
Any more than I hold the sea.
“I am convicted by Christ.”
And it is conviction which holds me.
For though I drown, down in the depths,
In Him I draw a final breath.