OUR WARS

A long time ago ...
couple weeks, I reckon
In a galaxy right down the block
Lived an emotionally immature genius brat
by the name of Annakin Skywalker

Always thinkin' 'bout Padamay's fine ass self
and never accepting the fact that
when you're dead, you're fucking dead
Kid, get over it

But no
Prolly 19 years old and this dude thinks
some stanky-ass evil old man, a muthafuckin' politician
no less, is gonna save his lady love from dying
when she spurts out his youngins

Fucking Idiot!

In this war of ours
We've got your emotionally immature Darth Vader
Henceforth to be known as the Galactic Baby Slasher
on the right

And a hi-tech, yet always getting their ass kicked
Rebellion, with a few broke ass struggling Jedi
on the left

Now, it's gonna be a good battle
cuz both sides know Kung-fu
So you gotta dig:  The real battle is Galactic Baby Slasher
vs. The Rebellions poverty

You know it's gonna be a damn good fight
cuz Obi-One and Luke Skywalker are all about
whipping ass and taking names later,
and so it is too with that fucker Darth Vader

Now, Baby Slasher's gotta lotta clout
what with being the Emperor's bitch and all
Plus he can stop lasers with his hand, so it's
exceptionally difficult to whip his ass

What the Rebellion's got going for them
and they don't even know
is that Obi-One done learned the Jedi secret
to immortality

You see, Yoda taught his ass that technique
right after Annakin became Palpatine's --
a.k.a. Darth Sidious's -- bitch

So what do these old school Jedi do
with their gift of immortality?
Welp, they guide Luke's semi-educated ass
through these wars so he don't end up psychopathic
like his pappy

For as Jay and Silent Bob had to remind his ass:
he never even fucking finished Jedi school
That's important for a Jedi Master to remember,
cuz Yoda could've whipped Luke's ass when he was
a good healthy 550, or prolly even when he was 50,
so the lesson simply is:  Never fuck with the Maestro

But let me digress
The last thing we need
is Luke tryin' to take Yoda's ass on

It's bad enough that he's got a pappy that's a baby slasher
so let's cut the young Jedi some slack
Luke's got some emotional problems too, but praise the Good Lord,
or The Force, that they ain't nearly as detrimental
as his pappy's was

Luke's just kinda shot out cuz he knows his pappy
is the Galactic Prick known as Darth Vader
Also, he's never been laid, and after he finds out
Leiah's his sister he's gonna have some emotional problems
when he thinks back on how he used to fantasize
about porkin' her ... yep

So let us cut the young Jedi some slack, alright
I'm almost sure if we could convince Han Solo into
taking Luke to a First-class galactic bordello,
he could release all his pent up sexual frustrations,
and thus let The Force flow smoothly
through his blessed heart

Take care of that little problem
and The Dark Side
best look the fuck out

You don't even know
the cosmic glow
the power conveyed
when a Jedi get's laid

You don't even muthafuckin' know!

So go on now and tell your brothers and sisters,
your mammy and pappy, your friends and neighbors
that they gots to check out Our Wars
Coming Soon To A Hood Near You