Paddy McGee

 
I don't mean to boast
but I have a ghost
his name is Paddy McGee
he comes to me often
when i am sleeping
I can hear him, but I can’t see

so I asked him why
why did you die?
my heart was pounding
as he replied…
... my wife, she’s a nagger
not much of a shagger
I didn't know what to do
no peace in the bath
I'd hear her laugh 
not even peace on the loo

she spent all me money
and thought it was funny
so I did what had to be done…
I went off to the cupboard
and quietly got me gun

Why are you here?
Why do you stay?
well, to be honest
I always did pray  
for a good looking girl, or two
but it's just me
can't you see?
...No, no! he cried
for I did die 
after I’d drank a few
 
oh Paddy McGee
I'm so sorry for your trouble
...that's alright for now, I see double
so let me in your nice warm bed
to you I promise never to wed

so he's gone now, my drunken ghost
his name Paddy McGee
he left behind a letter
but he didn't leave my key
"Your nagging was no better
your shagging I'll give a three
It's time to try out something new
what will be will be"

so off he went, Paddy McGee
off to seek his fortune
but he didn't get very far
and now you all will see
the anguish of his stressful life
 and the troubles of his darling wife
would never leave him be
for Fanny was so lonely
she jumped into the sea
the waves were very strong
her poor old soul was gone 
a spirit she would be 

Paddy's head was throbbing
as he turned around to see
his nagging wife was bobbing
and nagging she would be
Paddy McGee, you come here
I’ve something I want to say 
how dare you shoot yourself in the head
and leave me debts to pay
"Jesus Christ is that me wife?"
well this is something new
Paddy McGee went straight to hell
as now his wife was two

so that's my tale of Paddy McGee
alas my rhyme is over
but didn't you get a good old laugh?
I suspect he wished he was sober?
when he took his gun from off the shelf
he should have thought about his life
instead of shooting himself in the head 
he should have shot his darling wife.