Phoenix Of the Burning Bridge

There is a bridge I need to burn.
A burning bridge now the only warmth I know I will feel.
Knowing once gone, the only way across is to swim..
I don’t swim….
I flounder, I wade,
I splash, I thrash ,
I drift…
Without navigation…aimlessly
I have crossed this  bridge  so many times ..with the end in sight,
yet, always out of reach.
We have no choice who we love,
or, who in return, loves us.
I sought to understand her, to forgive,
to stab the devil taunting her,
but always found rejection.
I awake alive to strangers, moribund  to those I love.
Whimpering within ..unheard..
Pushing back against pain only creates  a delusion of  passivity.
Invisible scars,unseen, with no wound to excise and release the putridity of pain.
Each word you no longer speak , a sliver of crystal piercing my  fragmented  heart.
To be weak one moment then revived the next, is exhausting,
paralysing, in its chaotic oscillation .
It ends now…
I am no warrior,
I am defeated.
I am ashes of the  bridges I am burning.
A phoenix to rise?
Maybe?....