Phone call to the press office

A Phone call to the Press office.
(Imagine a tory voice)

What sort of a fellow is he’ to wear that…
What a scruffy old fag, …..like a Mangy old cat
With His penitence shirt, and the train drivers hat
Looks like a Caddy, on a southern states train
And the gentlemen here will always refrain 
Yes the company here would always, restrain, 
such a fellow as this!

So I say with distain…. such a fellow as this!

With sandals and socks my word I’m in fear
Such a fellow as this, Well I do declare
Whatever you do don’t let him in here 
Quick hide the silver it may disappear.

In Labour good god man….What him!

I heard the fellow eats beans from a can
I’d never believe that of civilised man
Do you believe it…. the Leadership …won
Oh goodness gracious,… well all be undone
I heard of a workhouse his grandfather owned
In a Labour Laboratory,……. I heard he was grown
In The Telegraph they said….. his body was cloned
Oh Gidder’s we’ll have them all over the place
If we want to sit down we won’t get a space
In the house they’ll be there, with everyone else
The Scott’s and the Irish and even the Welsh
Such a Fellow as This!

Good god Man not Him!

I heard he’s has an illegitimate son
He broke out of jail and went on the run
We’ll chase down, his family…. 
that ought to be fun
He’s on his Tenth Wife,… no…surely a lie 
He turned up at Parliament without even a tie
Old Cammer’s once seen him… sport a black eye
Such a fellow as this… my word we should try……
To get rid …..of such a fellow as this

Good god Man not Him …Bye Jove It Is Him!
I saw that Fellow at Conference he spoke
The Baby He ate, I thought he would Choke
They Found In the Loo a Kilo of Coke 
Such a fellow as this we ought to resist
Such a fellow as this 
should be made to desist!

I don’t wish to exaggerate
But he was friends with Sadam
The whole Middle east in the palm of his hand
He’s famous Indeed, in So-Mali- Land
In old Botswana, and in Kurdistan, 
If you want to hunt tigers they say he’s ‘The man’
We must really assassinate his character

please…so do what you Can

Red-blood confrontation we must stop in its tracks
So you can’t afford to sit and relax
No don’t give me that….. Just print all the Facts
what time is the paper due out on express?
No don’t tell me that 
Just YOU STOP THE PRESS

You know I don’t care just tell an untruth
I don’t give a damn if they say were uncouth
Just get Mr Corbyn We must take him down
Or the whole Flaming Country will follow the CLOWN
Oh dear! oh dear! Such a fellow as this!