Preventing Happiness

"What's the matter?"
They all said.
"Nothing much,
Just stuck in my head"

"But you look fine,
There's nothing wrong with you".
So I simple reply,
"Yeah that must be true".

While deep down inside,
I'm screaming in pain.
Reliving my past,
My anger and shame.

The things I have done,
The lies I have told.
The bad habits I kept,
The memories unfold.

Alone I do feel,
And pointless is me.
Or that's what all the voices,
Constantly say to me.

I try to forget,
That person I was before.
I need to hold my head high,
And get up off the floor.

I paint on a smile,
I laugh at the jokes.
Who would have thought,
That it was all a haux.

I want someone to ask,
How I'm feeling today.
And to push for the real answer,
Instead of accepting my lie and walking away.

I don't trust that well,
I've been let down before.
I've been told it's all nothing,
And I agree to prevent a war.

Maybe it is me,
Stuck in my ways.
Preventing the happiness,
And prolonging the bad days.