Rabbie Burn’s Nicht?

Rabbie Burns nicht is upon us
With Haggis, neeps & tattie
Pipers playing Auld Lang Syne
On repeat it fair makes me batty
As I observe this hairy clansman
He is so weather-beaten, strong built
I wonder is he really going ‘Commando’ under that kilt?

Ah tho he is as hairy as a gorilla
He’l ne’er feel the chilly breeze
With yon sporran on his manhood
& Tartan kilt doon to his knees
Thick woolly long socks, wee Glengarry hat
Hes got the fierceness of a ferocious lion
There’s na’e doot aboot that!!

“Och ay da noo di ye ken me
Wull ye listen ta’e wit am sayin’
“Had ya weeshed bonny laddy
Can ye falta we ya playin’”
“A na ye frae th hill’s o’er Highlands”
“Where th hairy haggis feed
But can ye plug it we ya bagpipes coz yiv giv me a sare heed”?