Raw

Hehe, why hello there good sir!
You want to know the network of my brain?
I know I'm a fascination to you... oh yes,
So sit down and let me explain...
I'll scratch at squirming notions, in your head thrive
Like larva advancing out of cells
In hollows of your mind's hive.
Because below your cobwebbed facade
I'm you, unearthed and disturbingly....
            ....
raw!
But don't be frightened, I promise this time I'll be tame
I don't think I bite but stand if you like,
And let me explain!
               ~~~~~~~~

You know these thoughts are a black sublime
A statistical realization worming through my mind
And as much as I have undertaken to compose,
A list of blessings to suffocate the woes,
Inside my head hollow tunnels run—
Where the awe and pain melted into one.
And where parasites from reality
Laid siege to my sanity,
Everything they've eaten all the same
Except the self hate and bitter blame.

 Hello sunshine, I'm wide awake!
See this grin, I swear it's not fake!
There's a fog that's stained like a glassy eyed glaze
My perception of life in this wax paper daze
That jolly old smile from my ear to my chin
Will stay there through every routine
Of this endless cycle I'm in.
Optimistic-yes, but I see in lifeless grey
I'm all flowers but no colors, no blacks, no whites
It's all so simple, but what can I say?
I can't help my soul's in decay!
Dinner time cupcake, I'll load it with butter and salt
But don't expect flavor, I'm tasteless by default!
I'm all for peace and love but I'm tolerant too,
I'll advocate hate, why should I care, like you simpletons do!
It's nothing really you know...these emotions, this world
It's all just a game of two dimensional pixels
In which we were hurled,
It's a video game,
Life likes to shoot until we static, and are finally done
Knowing more will just reappear to continue the fun.
You cringe but I'm just you, more honest, more raw
Don't pretend these thoughts are dead, that they don't gnaw
Because I speak the truth, you like everyone, never spoke
About life, and how I laugh because-
It's only a joke!

But-
It's life! I blame life and everything in it that ate me away
So many extremes that fried my nerves to a numb fray
Except for those sly little maggots, they are the source
Tiny little snippets, memories, regrets- railroading their course
Things too grisly to touch- the last to exterminate,
Under this blank stare-
So don't go too deep into this well, dry and desolate
There may be things still moving down there!
And once I get those little bastards I'll be a shell but alive!
'Cause right now I get aches in my skull
 Every time they connive.

But still... I shy from killing them...
Because it's almost like I like the hurt,
And the assurance it sends
That I'm not completely void, not totally burnt.
Oh dear-I'm crying!
They've done it again
 Those, funny, funny wormy friends!

Oh that's a sight, look at mix minded me
Both crying and laughing hysterically!
Haha, how silly, contradictions are all I've said
But don't judge! I'm sickly you see,
And what's more, I've got worms in my head!

HA-HA Doctor Doctor that's what I said!
Worms, YES WORMS! They're up in my head!