Recreational to Medicational needs...

From 23/06/2021
 
23/06/2021
Recreational to Medicational needs!
 
I don’t understand it.
I don’t think I ever will.
I had a near on perfect upbringing.
So why at 13,
Did I start to take drugs,
Recreationally?
From the age of 11,
It was cigarettes and alcohol.
To turn 13.
Turning towards drugs,
More recreational.
 
I’m not proud of it.
I feel ashamed to admit all.
Except for the first.
As cannabis is the only way,
my cancer gets stalled.
So Starting with weed,
With its mellow high and bloodshot eyes,
Leaving you with Cotton mouth.
left feeling dazed.
Getting the munchies for most things,
Sweet or fried.
Even Leaving you in an argument,
Completely tongue tied.
Although this was only the first,
Of a long love of drugs,
And how they make you feel inside.
Yet the more you do them,
The less your mind feels right.
 
At 14 I started my next trippy high,
Getting pilled up raving,
The weekends flew bye.
Speeding down the highway,
Blood rushing.
Eyes like pin pricks all the while.
Don’t ask me why?
As I had an exemplary home life,
I was a well looked after and an exuberant,
much loved child.
I still don’t understand, 
What it was,
That sent me so wild.
 
Tripping out on mushrooms,
Laughing at anything.
Wavy colours.
Moving pictures.
Wading through everything.
Mind is all mush,
No room for extra thinking.
All kinds of strange vibes,
Around your body feeling.
To then march on,
Ploughing through all kinds of snow. 
They call it go fast,
Not like heroin,
Go slow!
You can always tell when my pinkeys are poking out,
If bugles had a go.
For me though,
Heroin,
Thankfully was a no.
 
Then at the age of 19,
Was when my medicational needs,
 Took over me!
 
They put me on oxycontin and Oxycodone,
Changing finally to what I’m on now,
Not through heroin,
Yet I’m Methadone. 
All my medicational needs,
Except weed,
Comes at no extra cost.
Inbetween 20 hard fought years,
They’ve put me on the controlled and not,
Drugs that I need most.
I’ve been on them for years.
Taking over my host.
My head hasn’t even been in the game,
It got lost in the post.
Taking me years to reclaim,
Literally feeling like I’m a living ghost.
All to take away my pain. 
All messing with my brain.
To then try near on 100 other drugs,
Over and over again.
They even had me on ketamine,
Driving me near insane! 
 
I’m 36 now,
And regret my drug addled plight.
Even stopping at 19,
To then carry on hard drugs,
Through painkillers and weed for the rest of my life.
I wonder if I didn’t even start to smoke and drink,
Let alone the drugs,
Would I have cancer now and the thought I may early die.
No one has known the real me,
Since my 11th year of being alive.
Drink and drugs took care of that,
Yet now drugs are the ones,
Helping me strive.
They’ve taken pain away and lessened my life of strife.
Ex-Recreational mixed Medicational drugs,
Both,
Now Helping me to survive!