Redemption

If I've ever told you that i have never dealt with depression please put me out of my misery for as i have drunken most of my memory away to the ashes of my past that flows from the highest point of mount i used to give a fuck to crash how could it be that i seemed to have sunken this low headshots put my mind in a fantasy how much should i drink is only for a fan to see numbed and yet still bumming smokes liquor cups weed sedatives hotel rooms girls lean negatives i feel nothing yet im drowsy sex to them bitches feels awesome to me it was lousy im so attracted to the lights of night clubs  and the black lights that make my clothes light up nice touch she up and down the pole what a nice ass even she look good by the end of the glass took so much that i seen some one just like her look up and see that there's three of her oh well the more the merrier outer shell you can walk through inner shell there's barrier's i wake up feeling something that's a first for once i wake up and my head doesnt hurts its all white and im fully clothed another first death reminds me that im so close to being in the dirt i tell him it's not my fault im a pessimist you cant blame me for what happened the things that I've seen the pain i grew to enjoy how much runs through my veins how much my life is stained rose pedals black rose pedals for i am addicted to love but it dies by the way that it's handled tempered with the strings you've added to find the ways of you being the truth I've found your flaw you thought that you could loosen the ones made to be tighten and tighten the ones that were made to be loose i hate you cause why creep up on me now what have i done to you i broke down death standing over me quoting god's words "you're beautiful stand up this is what strong men would do see you've wasted your life spending time on what you don't want rather what you need to do" i see the meaning of thy words while needing improvement of my words went from delivering haymakers to ashy knuckles went from having words with meaning to it like a dictionary to if i had to find the right words I'd need crossword puzzles why is that light there death can you tell me it's there because you're going back you're too special to just throw your life away shame to think that you could live your life a stray pay your debts you owe it to yourself you are yours to lose so instead of letting go hold on to yourself but you've already lost yourself didn't you your past it seem that's whom you left it to you had a chance to prove something you had all the tools you're doing the opposite of redemption and that's breaking all the rules