Regretion

In my dreams,
I make my own freedom,
slice by slice,
piece by piece,
I earn what should never be lost,
I find s new friend with every cut,
every drop of blood,
never feeling lost,
even as it rots to the floor,
even as it slides away permanently.
I've watched a hundred times,
as those drops,
of pure ruby fire,
drop away,
breaking into a thousand smashed heads,
of angry men,
who no longer see clarity,
as a fighter,
I've broke a thousand vows,
slit a thousand promises in it two,
I've cried a million tears over my own words.
It seems strange,
to cause so much of my own pain,
to trifle unexpectedly with danger,
to let the knife have it's will,
no worries,
no thoughts,
no pains,
only lies to keep it hidden,
no intention of fighting against it again,
too much pain,
too weak,
now I will just slip back into this dark place,
hiding my cuts and scars from all eyes,
no more promises,
only pain,
no more talking,
I'll just slip away.