Rejectable

I don't want to be alone,
I'm afraid,
the monsters in my head,
beat all the ones that ever hid under my bed,
these ones aren't afraid of the light,
the grow stronger by the day,
they fight my ever move,
they endeavour to tear me apart,
every fibre of my being,
every ounce of my hope,
has to slip,
with hopeless loss,
threaded through the strings of my sanity,
and delirium,
in all its glory,
beginning to pull me apart.
I've found myself,
turning against myself,
I pull out the hair,
I now hate so much,
with it's fake colour,
and destroyed fringe,
I pull at the skin I never liked,
with it's freckles,
and spots,
and hairs,
and self inflicted scar,
and I prod and slice at the fat that I never liked,
the thing that makes me even more ugly,
and rejectable to the world.
I realise,
with great hurt,
that I have lost the little I gained,
she has taken from me,
the confidence I worked for,
and I never hated anyone more,
for in less than an hour,
she has destroyed,
what it took me more than a year to build,
I am now lost again,
I will slip back,
to never escape.