Remember When

Remember when I always smiled
And laughed so hard that I cried
But, now when you see it
Well, I am sorry I lied

Remember when I never complained
About nothing to name
That’s all you hear now
It's a damn pity and shame

Remember when you could call me for help
No matter the time of day
You’d tell me the problem
And I’d be on my way

Remember when I once
Could run circles around you
Or do you sit there now 
And say, “Crystal who?”

I remember when
I never hurt at all
I remember enjoying the sun
Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall

I remember when 
I never felt a bit depressed
I never knew anxiety
This new life I detest

I remember when 
I could remember everything
Now brain fog takes over
I now remember nothing

I remember when
I worked as a nurse
Now I can’t even remember
To grab my damn purse

I remember when
My children had it all
Now when they ask
I feel so small

I remember when
Money wasn’t a worry
Played the cards I was dealt
What a fuck to life’s journey

I remember when
I heard the comments some made
But when my lungs shut down
You were suddenly afraid

I remember when
You didn’t believe I was sick
I heard all the rumors
You spread around real quick

I remember when
I woke from the vent
You sat there across from me
Sorry one hundred percent

Do you remember when
You spread all those lies
I remember now
So look into my eyes

I told you then
I’ll tell you now
Get out of my room
You freaking coward

You hurt me with words
You talked behind my back
And now today in this room
It’s I who will attack

Lupus isn’t seen by all
It hides within a sick shell
You should have supported me
Now get out and go to hell

I don’t need people like you
In my life no more
Just leave right now
And forget I was ever born.