Scare me

(Note: these words came pouring out of my head at 2am as I try to relax myself into some state of mind that would allow me to drift off to sleep. I was not depresses or sad or emotional at all. In fact I had been watching old episodes of Red Dwarf.  I decided to post this as is, even though it's doesn't flow as well as some of my other work. I decided to do so and avoid over editing and fine tuning because it's seems that my subconscious had something it wanted to say and I don't want to misconstrue it's message. With that said it may now be important to point out that the following Is 100% true.)

I wish that you could scare me
No really I do
That heart pumping thrill
With the security of knowing none of it's real
That's something I'd love, once again to feel
Sincerely, it's true

But I'm afraid that the demons
The monsters
The dark creeping shadows
Locked away deep inside my mind
Are a bit better at this than you
They know my kind
Though we are few
They know where I've been
Where I began
The horrors I've seen
The hells I've walked through

How can I sit, eyes wide in suspense
Running with a fiction from a make believe
Bring out your fanged creatures
Your rotting corpses of the living dead
Send your bowel spilling lunatics
To compete with the ones on looping memory
On a constant reel deep in my head
Creep out of my closet
In inhuman motions
Scratch at the floor under my bed
I'll not hide under the sheets
Or quiver in fear
I'll simply take action instead

Terror is real for so very few
In this day and age
But a few of us lived it in many ways
In the hands of a mind bent and twisted
In sorrow, guilt or rage

When that is life as introduced to you
When you feel less like a child
Than a pet in a cage
When you learn to avoid death daily
On your own at far too young an age
When real life has shown you true terror
Unlike any you can find on a page
There is just no way to shake me
From up on your stage