Poem -

Searching

In every school I got bullied,
My mother thought if she kept moving me that it would stop,
But it never did,
Maybe if she listened to me she would understand why it was happening,
I was never one of the cool kids,
In fact I was the polar opposite,
I was the weird kid who ate lunch in the toilets because the thought of putting myself out into a jungle of unfamiliar faces every day scared me,
During the summer holidays I would spend my days alone in my room or gardening,
I liked gardening,
For a while that was a good enough distraction,
Then the harsh winter would kill the months of hard work,
That's when I started to think,
That everything I ever did would be erased in one way,
Some of you will say well other kids grew up with no one and they're fine,
Yes they might be,
But I am certainly not other kids,
I tried for a while,
To make friends and try new hobbies,
But none of that worked,
No one wanted to know the weird kid who cried when she got to attached to a character in a book and they died,
Hell I know I wouldn't,
I was alone,
Confined in the prison that is my own mind,
I tried to become something I wasn't,
Even if it ment having a normal life for a heartbeat,
I'd walk around trying to find a purpose only to be confronted by the backs of heads as people brushed past me like I was invisible,
I certainly felt that way,
But I am not invisible,
I'm a collection of cells that's just trying to find something to suppress the time,
Something to distract me for long enough that I forget to notice that I'm alone,
I'm still searching.  

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Comments

author
Jason Brown

Then the harsh winter would kill the months of hard work,

This is a remarkably incisive observation.

Your poem tells a harrowing tale...but it's the tale of the forging of a poet; one who's just beginning to find her voice...and starting to sing!

Welcome to Cosmofunnel ... I hope you find what you're searching for here.

J ;)

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author

I can feel the fear, and isolation dripping from your ink, but most of all, I felt a heart of pure love scribbling unto the pages of your life, recognizing you maybe small but you have something to say,yes as you keep on searching your passion keeps growing, soon you will have your freedom...

be blessed beautiful soul, your words are deep and pure....

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author
Saffron Amber Hill

Hey! 

This is so deep and meaningful. You've done really well here. I hope to see more from you. I joined today too and have uploaded my first poem. It's a scary process letting someone in to your mind, but you've done it beautifully. 

X

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author
terry terri ZO

poetry from the Heart -something tells me your not alone any more-all those words for company- 

thanks for the words pulled from your heart -best wishes

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author
John Astley

Well done Jessica,this couldn't have been easy.

Like me you found solace in writing, I hope this proves a turning point in your life as it has mine.

Keep writing

Yours

John

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author
charlotte

hello... great writing . i cant help feelin sorry for this little girl.. she almost sounds a bit like me . i never felt i fitted in either i always felt i was weird and i felt invisible. a apainful writing but tho painful....really well expressed .. throughout it you speak of yourself not fitting in feelin like you are different and feeling but i love the ending .... how you realise you are not invisible at all .. .
I'd walk around trying to find a purpose only to be confronted by the backs of heads as people brushed past me like I was invisible,
I certainly felt that way,
But I am not invisible,
I'm a collection of cells that's just trying to find something to suppress the time,''

even when you are trying to find a so called purpose... even then you notice how people want to make you invisible. a real sadness going on throughout this..
but the realisation that you are infact not invisible and that your aim here is to try an find a purpose... is a nice realisation.. however, i can see the pain and frustration at still having to search and still feeling alone . . to feel so alone that you feel desperate to find something , anything to take away that lonliness, even for a short time.. well it's very sad .

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