Searching

In every school I got bullied,
My mother thought if she kept moving me that it would stop,
But it never did,
Maybe if she listened to me she would understand why it was happening,
I was never one of the cool kids,
In fact I was the polar opposite,
I was the weird kid who ate lunch in the toilets because the thought of putting myself out into a jungle of unfamiliar faces every day scared me,
During the summer holidays I would spend my days alone in my room or gardening,
I liked gardening,
For a while that was a good enough distraction,
Then the harsh winter would kill the months of hard work,
That's when I started to think,
That everything I ever did would be erased in one way,
Some of you will say well other kids grew up with no one and they're fine,
Yes they might be,
But I am certainly not other kids,
I tried for a while,
To make friends and try new hobbies,
But none of that worked,
No one wanted to know the weird kid who cried when she got to attached to a character in a book and they died,
Hell I know I wouldn't,
I was alone,
Confined in the prison that is my own mind,
I tried to become something I wasn't,
Even if it ment having a normal life for a heartbeat,
I'd walk around trying to find a purpose only to be confronted by the backs of heads as people brushed past me like I was invisible,
I certainly felt that way,
But I am not invisible,
I'm a collection of cells that's just trying to find something to suppress the time,
Something to distract me for long enough that I forget to notice that I'm alone,
I'm still searching.