Self questioning

Why can't I stomach this? 
just why? 
I used to love the smell and taste
But now, it's just so bleugh

my skin does not suit me, these marks just look repulsive
I must be pretty, I must. 

I hate myself! 
I hate myself! 
I hate, hate, hate! 

I crawl away, from the sickening swallowing
I hide away from that temptation
I destroy myself with every bite I take! 

Thin, is happiness,
Happiness that I need.
I must be pretty, for the ones I love, 
I'll keep them around then yes? 

I must do more, but yet I fail
Self control I do not have, I cave, I crumble, I fall,
But yet no longer can I cope. 

What can I do? 
What must I do? 
I may just turn around
To walk through the shadows of mind, 
Within the darkness, I may find peace.