Self Satisfaction...

Took me a long time to get to the place I'm at now. All I can say it was a difficult and enduring journey.
                 
Many obstacles where in the way that I had to overcome but the hardest part in them years was not being a disappointment to the people around me. I understand at the end of the day it’s about you but is hard to not consider the people around you and how they might view you.

It took me a long time to get over the phase of what people think of me, but I can safely say I'm still not at that point yet. You can make it out like that you are satisfied with yourself but deep down you genuinely know how you really feel. Play the part around friends and family because you don’t want them to see how disappointed you are with yourself. They may never understand your disappointment because they believe you have achieved enough but everyone has their own personal goals they keep to themselves.

People will say you can improve and beat them struggles but that task alone is hard. You've come such a long way but that's just half of the journey. The main thing you just want to do is give up because that's the easiest way out of it all.  How much you improve in some areas, the way you think about yourself will take time to change because people always expect negativity and you become used to that certain feeling. It’s like you don’t have an off switch to that feeling. You must endure being like this until you have self-satisfaction.

It has taken be a while to get to this place I'm at now but, deep down I know that my struggles will make the journey hard for me down the line.
I do have the support from family and friends which I do truly appreciate.  I still feel alone within, because you want them to understand from your perspective but its hard for that to happen.