Shame on me

All bonds seem strong till they fucking break
How long can it take to get a crooked head straight
Don't know if I got enough gas left in make it right
If it was up to me I woulda finally kicked my bucket last night
Never been the one to make plans come together
Because of you and me I can no longer fathom forever
Thought somehow we could be the fleeting exception to a man made rule
Unfortunately we succumbed to the same dumb shit
Under some innocent  form of understanding
Fucked up the flight path now I can't find a field to land in
I'd rather be  camping
Or in the middle of a serious surgery requiring three limb amputation
As long as afterward I hear your words and still got one hand for you to put your hand in
What's the point of material things
Not once have they brought me the happiness I thought they would bring
Still shocked by the sting felt by heartbreak
My heart must still be in decent shape
Another misunderstood earthquake
Rattles my ribs
almost got bit by a venomous snake
I give up life how much do I need to take
I'll relocate to the bottom of some forgotten lake
Make sure you can't identify the tears on my face
Might finally find  solitude under murky water dude
Inside my insane loneliness
I fucking new they're would be one last kiss
Forever isis for fairy tales children can believe in
Holding  breaths in like maybe suffocating can ease my grieving
Suffering is my jam though
Damn I really am an incredible asshole
I talk to fast and barely listen
Afraid of all the competition
I'd be the fucking shit if fucking shit up was my fucking mission
Burnt out laid out outta comission
Spent all of my charisma
Now I'm old infirm and full of wasted wisdom
Outlook looks like fuck life its dumb
Pointer fingers pressing into both lungs
Just so everyone knows this guy knows he's the one
Take a good thing and fuck it up in one night
Guarantee the dog that doesn't want to win will never win the fight
What's the prognosis if you agree with the labeling you always dismissed as bogus was right and now you notice every notion about you was true
That's the spot nobody wants to be in
Affirming assumptions you reassured them all weren't true
Simply writing these confessions on my dumb ass smart phone makes my soul want a new home
I just want the old one
Even though sometimes it was filled with reckless uncertainty
We had each other within reach in case of emergency
I was in search of water and a beach you see
Now I'm thinking of drinking bleach to make my conscious clean
If you add it it's all obscene
I mean how much worse can it get
Then I remember there are things far worse than death
Careful where you step