Poem -
She
Dedicated to Max and thanks man
She was there wearing her dress cut from sin.
She was there with her ravenous devil's desire.
She was there with the words of dead saints.
She was there with a hypnotic voice from a choir.
She was there whispering a haunting melody.
She was there picking out her targeted prey.
She was there waiting for the sun to go down.
She was there foreseeing my lust would stray.
She was there casting her fathomless black shadow,
She was there with herĀ smile never reaching her eyes.
She was there with her polished ornate silver dagger,
She was there deeply plunging it into her helpless prize.
She was there stealing my heart.
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Comments
Hi Shaun. First of all thanks so much for the Kudos! Though, I should be thanking your for all the comments you have left on my work... I was going to catch up last night but unfortunately fatigue caught the best of me once more... anyway, I found this write utterly fantastic my friend, and I really enjoyed the repeating line she was there. It makes for a truely sinister sounding read. Oh peace to you Shuan, keep writing my awesome friend. Your fish fan, Max
Max great to hear from you and the kudos is down to you and your solid concerned friendship and pick me up comments when I'm down.
And don't worry about catching up or late comments for I'm The Catch Up Kid and The Late Reply Master on this site and possibly up for some award!
I rewrote this just to make your fish fan heart beat faster my friend and Max the best of Welsh and British to you on your studies.
Ā
Wow Shaun. Fierce, dangerous and captivating!! Anazing piece! Repetive lines are great. I like writing in this style too. A wonderful dedication to our Max! Be aware Max She is on a deadly mission..... š¤£š¤£š¤£
Pxxx
Wow Shaun I felt the seduction flowing like silk through every line. A deep, dark and sultry write. The repeated āshe was thereā really added to the tension and build upĀ of this piece. Fabulous imagery throughout . And the icing on the cake you dedicated it to our wonderful fish of the sea Max ! A fine poet who is always so humble about his work. What a lovely gift you gave him today š
Once again Shaun your benevolent nature shines through the COSMO of poetsĀ
Your friend
Gwen ā¤ļø
Gwen thank you so much for your fine and respected comments and Max is a like yourself and so many more on here a great friend to have in anyone's corner.
And just to let you know my works have given me time off of two deserved and backlogged owing weeks and we will use the time to travel to Harlech and visitĀ good friends and hopefully The Channel Islands especially beautiful Sark.š
An island where vehicles are banned and has an incredible garden and the locals are respectful and so honest and polite and there's a great pub called The Mermaid Tavern!
But will post two more rewritten ones now,Ā and see you and everyone else inĀ two weeks my fellow poet and uplifting good friend.
See you soon Gwen and this humble poet thanks you so much for everything you write and kindly bestow, you are a poetry rock for one and all, myself included and thank you my friend.ā¤ļø
Ā