"Soft brown eyes"

The day I first saw you, I was scared to meet you.
Far in the distance on your own, reading that book all alone. 
Then you glanced up.
I don't know if it was that smile or those soft brown eyes.
That caught me off guard, but it was hard.
To keep my shit together.
Fast forward in the movies, I tried to make the first moves.
But I froze, with sweat on my nose.
Good thing you did it!.
 
Now to when the mid summer came, I was the one to blame.
Cuz I thought those rounds of just dance, would never end.
No matter how much I hated it, I knew I danced like a stiff stick.
But I did it for you, to make you happy..
God those days in the pool, when we acted like fools.
Or those steamy showers trying to pass by the hours.
They made me happy.
The endless nights of cuddling up to you, I felt at peace and you never knew.
 
Now for the part I have to get off my chest, it's not going to be the best.
The only few lines you're going to hear, and that I fear.
But it must be said.
I needed you and you were never there, I never thought that was very fair.
Or how you would be on your phone, as i sat there all alone.
I know you told me it was ok to sleep with them, but I didn't need them.
I hurt you, never knowing how much it would hurt me.
When I was in pain, you always found a way to keep me sane.
You knew all my lies and my dreadful scares.
And you still stayed.
Till it got too much and went too far.
Fast forward to the night I saw you dance..
You shined and I smiled, Watching you do something you loved.
Then came the rush of lies.
You got distant, and I should have listened.
To my heart, but it was too far apart from yours.
No more cuddling, no more laughing, no more hugging.
I didn't fight for you, when I knew.
I should have tried.
People say I'm trying for nothing, and I have to stop lying to myself.
Trying to keep something alive that's no longer there, I guess that's what I feared.
 
Now let's fast forward to how I'm doing without you.
I guess that's what I get, For falling too fast.
I'll have to learn to cope, and love you through a periscope.
I have to fight, the thoughts keeping me up at night.
Because I let you slip through my hand. I'm sure you have a new man.
Even so, I know you can't feel certain feelings.
I'm sure you can feel pain.
"What was there to gain, from all those lies?"
I keep asking myself. The answer to that question is nothing. But pain.
Sometimes I wish, I miss the first time that we kissed.
Then I'd have no memories, no dreams, or anything to hope for, how am I supposed to wash that out with soap?
 
Now for how I wanted it to be.
I wanted you to hold me like the night sky holds the moon.
I wanted you to kiss me like I was the only guy in the room.
I wanted to cuddle and cause trouble.
To feel like the only two in the whole world.
I wanted to protect you from the cold.
And when you couldn't handle my shit, I'd leave you for a bit.
 
Now for the nights without you.
All alone in the cold, Of my bed i can’t seem to get you out of my head.
At night, trying to fight.
Off the thoughts of you.
I wonder if you missed me, every time you left me.
Do you miss those days, where the earth stopped and the world was painted in all those beautiful strokes of grays.