Sola Noctibus

I dread my nights

Alone

Spent in fear.

Spent in tears.

Longing for two things:

My love, and being in his arms.

Feeling safe and being able to open my eyes to see his face.

And for my razors

And the feeling leaving my body with my blood.

The pain melting away for a while.

But I resist.

Instead I think of the good nights,

With his arms around me.

Listening to his heartbeat.

Being close to him.

Touching his face.

Closing my eyes and drifting away,

Without fear of the nightmares.

Waking up in the morning and seeing him

Still there

Next to me.

But even those thoughts..

They rarely help my lonely nights.

I pretend he's there,

Holding me,

Loving me,

But all I feel is an emptiness that aches

And fear for the night I face.

The nights with him keep me sane during the day,

But every night alone,

I lose my mind.

With all the joy I have,

I still can't help

But wish that I had less of

My Lonely Nights.