SOME THINGS ARE TOO MUCH ...BY jude kyrie

I remember back then.
The summer days languished
Into a cool autumn awakening.
Nothing was clear or lucid at that time.
The shocked petals
lost all of their brightness.
Never to return again.
Well not in that season anyway.

Inside my heart
silence roared like the autumn winds.
Fear anger despair and loss
The four horsemen rode inside of me.
The drinking quietened them.
Nothing else could or would.
Soon it consumed me
Like alcohol does.

It got worse if that's possible.
My wife locked me out
of the house at night.
I slept in the car and still drank.

My life was lost
my wife was lost
my job was lost
But not as lost as me.
I was lost in the abyss

When she she threw me out
I did not complain.
I knew it was my fault.
Mea culpa
mea maxima culpa.

Some months later
I awoke from my drunken state.
Inside the city drunk tank.
The acrid odors of human waste
permeated the stifled air.

Through the haze of consciousness
I saw my beautiful wife
through the bars of the cell.
She had paid my bail.
She was so pretty
so clean so lovely.

I had a flashback
to making love to her
On the crisp clean
sheets of our bed.

She had tears in her eyes
I suppose at seeing
what I had become.
I had a desperate urge
to want a shower and a shave.
Just so she could see
the me underneath.
But living on the inner city streets
offers no such conveniences.

She spoke softly to me
I loved her voice.
She said I always loved you,
you know.
I still do..

I whispered back to her
I love you too.

We stood outside the police station
On the old granite steps.
I looked at  the floor
drowning in shame.

She touched my hair gently 
with her fingers
like a mother does to her son.
I could smell the familiar perfumed
soapy cleanliness of her.

She said softly
you know,
I lost our son as well,

I felt the surging sadness
consuming my heart
tears welled up in my eyes.
And I turned away
and walked slowly
Towards the signpost for
a town named oblivion.