Stay away, Monster

I miss you.

But how can I let you back in?

My biggest fears involve you.

One

You come back

You violate me in worse ways than you did

And snuff out the fire in my heart.

Two

You come back

And just claim my life eternally yours

By taking it from me.

Three

I become the monsters in my head.

I become the thing that haunts my nightmares.

I become you.

I treat my babies like the trash 

The trash that I know they'd never be.

I turn my pretty ones black and blue

For the tiniest of things.

For things that didn't even involve them.

Will my little ones hide from me?

Will they block their door when I'm angry

As I did when I heard you shouting?

Will they seek sanctuary at their friends house across the street,

And be denied because no one liked them,

Because no one taught them how to make friends or love,

As I did when I saw your face distort into anger?

Will they cry to those who don't truly care

To help them,

They didn't want to go back,

As I drag them home for their "well deserved punishment" 

As I used to when you had had a bad day?

Will I be the reason they lie about bruises?

About cuts?

Will I be the main source of their pain

As you were for me?

No.

No.

No.

I will hug my little ones.

Tell them I love them 

At least twice a day.

I will kiss their foreheads as I tuck them into bed. 

I will tell them stories of heroes

Who will always keep them safe

So they never have to worry about things

Things that go bump in the night.

I will tell them stories that make them feel strong

Not ones that will cause them to crawl into my bed

For my protection

Because they believe everything is out to get them.

I will teach them what friendship is.

I will teach my babies what love is.

And I will never

Ever

Betray them

The way you did to me.

I will love them with every piece of my heart

And you are not welcome.

You will never know the joy of hearing your grandchilds heartfelt laugh.

You will never answer any of their never ending questions.

You will stay away.

They will be loved.

I will never lie to them.

I will never raise my hand to strike them.

I will never hide truths from them.

I will always answer their questions as honestly 

And in the best way that I can.

I will never be the demons in my dreams.

I will never be the monster I've always feared.

I will never be you.

And you are not welcome near me

Nor near my little ones.

Stay away,

Monster.