Staying clean under the garden hose

.

Coolness surrounds me as the cool water caresses my body.

As I long for the cleanliness I must have.

I need the feeling that's so hard to feel

I need to be back without knowing the pain that lingers in the soil, 

the dirt that haunts my beginning with the end in sight.

The dirt takes me from the ones that I love,

the ones that I need, the ones that I thought held me together, 

as I came unglued.

Straighten out my soul, 

                               my being, 

                                         and the family that I love, need, and want.

Take my soul if you must,

 I know you don't trust me anymore, 

after the lies that fill me and take my life in hand.

I let all down as the evil surrounds my life, the life I need that's no good without you.

Explanations that mean nothing mean all, 

you just don't understand my addictions, 

my pain that waves deep inside as every minute, 

every hour and every new day approaches.

Do what you must, as my ears deafen to your words

that make me go deeper into the nothingness of your thoughts

and my useless being of what I have become, 

something I can't control

I fail you not because I can, 

but because I must for the evil that devours my uselessness,

not for my wanting though.

I know, I know, I know.

More than you could ever imagine.

Yours truly,

Just me